When we started I wanted to let you know that I might not have walked your journey or felt your pain but I’ve walked my own and it’s been far from perfect. I wanted you to know that sometimes people don’t have it all together & that God can be found even in the midst of our mess. That the cloak of sin & brokenness aren’t too thick that His eye cannot see or His hand save.
I had vowed to withhold non of what I’d done & had been done to me, if only to let you know you’re not alone. Then I met her. Her life was so all together that I couldn’t fit in her world and still be this person to you.
I thought I would be able to love you past my fears but the truth is I’m scared to love you like this. I’m scared to show me like this. I’m scared she’ll know me like this.
No matter how far I run or how long I’m away, life seems to always lead me here. Always reveals me to be this person.
This person too insecure to show her that my heart forever hangs on my sleeves.
Though I’d like to believe there is no such a thing as loving too deeply or too quickly, I have this suspicion that the people in my life would be overwhelmed by the depth of feelings I have for them. Then, on the other side of the spectrum I’m afraid to let someone go on never knowing how fiercely they’re loved.
The latter thought is what brought me back to you.
The cross is the epitome of reckless self abandon & unabated love. When there is a God who has loved me that extravagantly, what is my fear that I can’t afford you the same? When He gave up everything to love me, what is my pride that I should hesitate to lay it aside?
God does not love you within the realms of safety or even popular public opinion & I very much want to be the vessel that channels that love without letting my insecurities temper with it.