We wear the mask that grins & lies,Excerpt from poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes
My little person is currently reading a book titled “Do hard things”. I haven’t as much as read the contents page of that book but the title alone has booted ‘staying in my comfort zone’ right off my list of comfortable things to do.
Before fairly recently, I never would have pegged myself for a person that struggles with being vulnerable. I mean I know that I’m not exactly an open book but I thought that was because I didn’t want to be one, that when I so chose I could strip myself bare and reveal all the letters etched beneath my skin.
I really thought I held the keys to my ribcage and could leave my heart unguarded anytime I wanted but I’m realizing that the worst kinds of masters don’t care to torment you in your cell. They are more than content to veil your ignorance with bliss.
Rarely will anyone try to escape the safety of home.
That is probably the most difficult word I’ve ever uttered. It seeped out interwoven with so much desperation, fear, and insecurity.
In a culture that says strength looks like holding no one person/relationship too closely, that word was also amidst the many I regretted ever tasting. At that moment I felt weak and pathetic as I told another human being that I wanted them to choose me.
That is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. In the face of conflict, heartache, rejection etc, it’s easy for my knees to buckle and I struggle with forcing my feet to stand their ground.
In a culture that fosters self-preservation and says the most dignified thing to do is walk away when you feel a relationship no longer serves you. It’s hard to stay long enough to piece together the brokenness.
I want to be a person that does hard things
I want to take off my mask and let you see me, I want to tell you in all the ways I can that your presence matters, I want to show you that I’ll trudge through the muck & stay.
I want to be the kind of person who goes out to war with herself & fights to love another in all the ways God intended.